A Very Liberal Right of Way

Living in one of the country's most liberal cities sounds on the surface like it would carry a less-stressful lifestyle then most other places. This couldn't be further from the truth. It was a typical morning commute from my Pacific Heights apartment to my office in the Financial district of San Francisco, or so I thought.

As I ventured along on my normal route I found myself stopped at an intersection behind a driver making a left turn. I checked my mirrors and even turned behind me as I went to move around the paused motorist. I was sent into instant shock when some douche bag messenger (might as well have been named puck) on a 10-speed runs directly into my front driver side tire catapulting him air born 12 feet off his bike and into the middle of the intersection.

As he lay there I found myself in instant shock telling myself that I was going to jail for manslaughter. My first observation was that tree-hugger messenger boy was not wearing a helmet of any sort which meant that I not him was double fucked. Puck miraculously jumps up out of the middle of the road, grabs his now mangled bike and proceeds to the side of the busy street. I immediately pullover to assess the situation offer my apologies etc.

It turns out the mid 20's male is not seriously injured but has only suffered a minor scrape and scratch and only asks that I buy him a new bike tire. In my current state of shock I agree to the tire pretty much admitting fault for something that obviously is not my fault sending him on his way with one of my business cards. Keep in mind this guy was riding down the middle of the road in the heart of San Francisco rush hour traffic and runs into my car and NOT the other way around and regardless it is my fault because I'm the big bad driver of a German O-Zone depleting automobile.

Long story short the asshole waits two weeks to call me about his bike tells me the whole frame is bent and I need to buy him a new bike. For fear of lawsuit and traffic violations my driving record can not afford I agree to buy him a new bike putting me deeper into debt and helping America's tree hugging messenger fucktards everywhere. Practice swallowing your teeth Puck, I'll be over in a minute.